18th of Eleint
Curse that man — no, that thing — for what it’s done! I expected this after what he said, I knew that there was nothing, no one else that he could take that would cut so deeply, and yet I was helpless to protect him. My baby brother, the little boy I’ve practically raised for these past four years, and I couldn’t save him from some psychotic monster. What are my powers good for, if I can’t even keep the people I love most safe from harm? Why do I travel, if not to keep the many dangers of the world at bay and away from the minds of my family?
Logically, I know that I could not have expected such a deception, but at the same time, should I not have? After all we’ve seen, all the terrible deals that have been made within just our small circle of friends, it seems to me that I can’t avoid the blame in not having realized his proposition for what it was. Vampire or no, I rue the day that I picked up that cursed staff. I rue the day I ever walked into a vampire’s lair at all, not in any small part in that it was apparently to return to humanity a girl whose humanity was already long gone…
I still can’t believe that Iona could have been involved in such things as she was. I know that I should forgive her, should not think poorly of the dead, but after everything that she told us… and then to make a deal with the swamp witch… then to end her life to escape once again the consequences of her actions… I can’t help but feel that her words were empty and that she learned nothing. Now Bagoda’s wrath has truly been unleashed and again we are left to deal with the ramifications of the choices of another.
I knew her very little, and what I knew I could not abide. But Aaron, Arseni… these were her friends. How could she?
The only bright spot in this entire situation is that the debacle did not result in losing Anzo as well. For a moment there, I thought we had found him only to have the witch kill us all right on the spot. But she didn’t. We incriminated the crime lord, escaped from his lair with not a small cache of his money, and now at least one person who was lost is being returned to Baemore at long last. One small part of my heart can rest easy, even if it feels like that same part is ready to beat out of my chest every time I recall what happened afterwards…
I only wish there were more time now to spend on such frivolous things. But what is Anzo but a minor dalliance in the face of Sebastian’s absence?
There are so many questions. I know I have to get him back, but how do I even start? What am I to an arch-fey? What could I possibly do to one-up a creature with powers like those of a god? Must I return to the elves to find the answers I seek, or can even they not help me?
I feel so lost. Sebastian, where are you?