I feel like I keep repeating everything in these journals, I keep making the same points and show little to no growth… Like yesterday’s battle I felt like I was helping, and maybe I did make it easier… but at what cost? i don’t know, no 1 does. because I can’t remember. I am realising what this
woman thing really does. The Duke helped me realise it, honestly a memory here or there doesn’t seem like much, but it ads up, and I am noticing what it is doing to my friends… I am to blame… and I am the only one that can stop it. she has no power over me if i just say NO. she has all the cards. and she has people that I want. but I can’t lose myself, that’s not what mother would have wanted, and it’s not fair to everyone else that is still alive and here… I keep forgetting, that i do have family that rely on me… I have 3 cousins that lost both their parents, just like I did… And Estelle has been taking care of all of us for so long. They are not longer cousins, they are brothers and sisters. they mean everything to me… and to be honest I have been the worst brother… It’s time we finish this, It’s time we end this adventure.
But first, two task must be complete. we must free the elves from the drow, we need them
on our side. and the black must die, or at least leave this area. I want my home to be at peace before i can return. and resume the life I had, learning my trade, and running the shop while grandmother acts as mayor… That is what I want. I might have to ask the elves fora favor after we clear out their city… I hope they won’t mind having a human stay with them for a while once this is all over with…